A complete guide to getting over a breakup and coming out stronger and happier than you were before
A breakup hurts so much. It feels like the pain will never pass. You feel like you will never be able to function normally again. However, it does pass and you can actually come out stronger than you were before. People have survived horrific losses, yet they overcame them and the pain eases every day.
Sometimes relationships don’t work out and there is nothing that either side could have done to prevent it from happening. Sometimes feelings fade and you cannot salvage them. It is unfair and hurtful, but there is nothing you can do to change it. All you can do is come to terms with it and accept that you are okay. This could be a perfect opportunity to use this event as a wake-up call to make changes to your life. Set goals that you can reach and make your life better than it was before the breakup. We offer a free printable journal to help you get over your breakup and come out stronger than before.
Getting over a breakup sucks! It hurts so much. It hurts physically and mentally. After a breakup, you might feel failure and/or rejection. Your confidence might have taken a knock and you might be feeling fear and anxiety. However, in the book “Mars and Venus Starting Over” by John Gray, Ph.D. (author of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus), the author states that many gifts come from healing a loss. You will look back to this painful time and be grateful for the gifts it brings. There are incredible rewards for starting over and finding love again. Even a painful divorce can open the door for you to experience a rich and fulfilling life of love. This process is not an easy one. It takes hard work to give birth to a new you and to a new life, but it is worth it. After the initial adjustment, it will become much easier. Soon you will be looking back, and all this pain will be just a memory.
Becoming single again is a crisis with dangers and opportunities. There is an opportunity to heal and strengthen your heart and mind so that you will move on healthy and whole. However, there is a danger if you do not complete the healing process. Time alone does not heal all wounds. How we cope with our breakup determines the rest of our lives.
I wrote this article and created this journal as a result of my personal experience. In an effort to find relief, I read anything I could about recovering from a breakup. This article is a summary of everything I read or at least the parts that I found helpful or important. It was a difficult period. It made breathing hard to do. Things I took for granted once suddenly become so difficult, such as breathing without hyperventilating, staying calm, keeping the tears in, concentrating, sleeping, and even eating. I would have given anything to lose my appetite before the breakup, and suddenly it didn’t feel like such fun. I had to force myself to eat to keep up my strength. I would lock myself in my bathroom so that my kids couldn’t hear me cry. I have since discovered that crying is actually helpful. Scientists have confirmed that shedding tears triggers the release of oxytocin and endogenous opioids, commonly referred to as endorphins. These neurochemicals associated with positive emotions play a crucial role in alleviating both physical and emotional distress (source: Harvard Health Blog).
It was a horrible time. I honestly felt like I would be scarred for life.
After my divorce, I gave myself 7 days to cry and mourn. On the 8th day, I decided to pull myself together and make lemonade out of the lemons that I had suddenly been given with no advance notice.
I made this journal to get over my breakup and it made me feel great. Not every day was great. There were some times when things seemed overwhelming but I came out of it a stronger, happier, and more fulfilled person.
Today, 18 months after my divorce, it was one of the best things that happened to me. My life has improved in every way possible!
I am more independent, I have fulfilled myself in ways I never dreamed of before the divorce and I am happier. I have achieved every one of the goals I set for myself right after the divorce and that has not only improved my life but my self-image, as well, as I now know that I can do anything I set my mind to!
How long does it take to get over a breakup?
It takes time, but the time it takes depends a lot on you. If you cut off contact and stop hoping for him to come back then it will be easier. If not, you will only stall your recovery. Don’t stalk him on Facebook, don’t check when he was last online on WhatsApp, and get off his Instagram. Don’t ask mutual friends about him and stop making excuses to contact him. It sounds harsh but if he wanted you back he wouldn’t have left. If he wanted to contact you he knows your number. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? If he takes you back now he could change his mind again in the future. Keeping your hopes up will just keep you getting hurt over and over. You deserve someone who wants you. Someone who loves you. Someone who knows that they want you and would never let you go. You deserve more than you had!
If you follow the suggestions below, you will not only recover sooner but you will come out of the breakup better than you were before it.
Why does a breakup hurt so much?
In the book, “How to Fix a Broken Heart”, by Guy Winch, the author explains that heartache is in fact a systemic “injury.” Ethan Kross and his colleagues at the University of Michigan used a functional MRI scanner (fMRI) to analyze the brains of volunteers who had recently experienced a painful breakup. The scientists found that the emotional pain of heartbreak causes the same reaction in our brains as physical pain, which the volunteers described as “unbearable.” This helps us understand why it’s so hard to function normally when we’re heartbroken. In fact, heartbreak doesn’t just affect our brains – it can also physically harm our bodies. You might even experience a panic attack. This is one of the ways in which our bodies react to the trauma of heartbreak. Another common response is to go into fight-or-flight mode, triggering the release of a stress hormone called cortisol. When our body releases cortisol for a prolonged period of time it can undermine our health. That’s because the hormone prevents the immune system from working properly, making it much harder to fend off viruses and diseases.
