Never underestimate the impact a single decision can have: one wrong move can ruin a relationship, a career, a life, etc. We must choose wisely to generate joy in our lives. But when the road forks, confusion suddenly sets in. It’s normal to feel bewildered when different options present different pros and cons. As we advance down the path of life, sudden shifts require our attention and quick thinking: Should I give this person another chance? Should I take this job opportunity? Should I invest in a new home? And under the pressure of making the correct choice, all or none of our choices may even seem right. Where, then, do we turn for guidance?
Apply these eight rules when weighing your options to ensure that your decisions always play out in your favor:
Pay attention to signs. The first rule asks us to open up to obvious signs. The universe tries to offer guiding signals that we often miss or neglect if we’re not tuned in. Anything can be a sign: your late mother’s name on a truck, a person you were just thinking about calling you, receiving an offer when you need it most, etc. When you do recognize something as a sign, don’t dismiss it. Reflect on the potential message being delivered to you.
Take your own advice. If you can’t take your own advice, you’ve learned it in vain. Our lifelong experiences should fortify our wisdom and clarify our choices. If 5 or 10 years ago you knew what you know now, what would you have done differently? Allow former events to dictate present decisions: What did a bad decision from a similar situation in the past teach you? If you take the same actions now, the same results will repeat. What would you advise someone else to do if they shared an issue identical to yours? Take a sip from your own fountain of knowledge and take your own advice.
Keep clean your conscience. No decision should stain your spirit. Do your best to act for the good of everyone, not just for your own good. Decisions that hurt others and only benefit you will eventually turn against you. When in doubt, consult your moral code. Keep your conscience clean by making clean choices.
Detach from negative emotions. Nothing keeps us stagnant like our own fear, impatience, and frustration. Moving forward with the right choices means we must eliminate these emotions. If we weren’t afraid of anything, we would act with incredible courage. If we weren’t so impatient, we would wait until the right opportunities rolled around. And if we didn’t become so easily frustrated, we would extend our perception. Understand that these feelings are impediments to the progress of your life and that when you eradicate them, your decisions no longer stem from your ego but from your highest self. Always remember this rule of thumb: never make a decision under desperation.
Know your influences. We often turn to our friends for guidance when we’re confused. Why do we do this, when the right answers are all within us? When we recognize who influences us, we can discern whether their advice is causing positive or negative effects. So ask yourself: To whom am I listening, instead of listening to myself? Remember that people are naturally biased and flawed because they’re dealing with their own dilemmas. Anyone can offer you their take on what’s right but no one can offer you what’s right for you–only you can do that for yourself. Better to go within and find the solutions there.
Follow your intuition. In the words of Swiss writer Johann Kaspar Lavater, “Intuition is the clear conception of the whole at once.” Our intuition puts into perspective the entirety of a situation: it takes us beyond one moment in time and reveals how things will unfold in the future. The truth is that we already know exactly what we must do and what will happen, if only we follow our internal GPS. Intuition is what feels right inside, and it isn’t just some “gut feeling;” our instincts can reshape our lives. Following our intuition helps us realize that we have the power to make the right decisions. Engage your sixth sense for a heightened perception of what to do and what to avoid. Make one decision based on your intuition. Allow yourself to be instructed by your inner voice. Note the difference in results when you overanalyze versus when you intuit your way down the right path.
Don’t cross red flags. Just as much as the universe offers signs, it also puts up red flags. For example, if unexplained “coincidences” are stopping you from doing something, reconsider your decision. A few years ago I wanted to work with an agent who ended up being bad news. I mailed her a check, which the post office lost. I mailed the agent another check and it got lost again! The red flags had been erected, but I barreled past them. I stubbornly sent her a third check, and unfortunately, she received that one. Soon, I came to understand why I shouldn’t have crossed the red flags. You might experience a similar example of the universe blocking something from occurring. Instead of becoming stubborn and pushing for it to happen, take a step back and reflect: Am I being saved from something bad here? This same principle holds true under all circumstances, including relationships. As much as you like someone you’ve just met, you must heed the warning signs: are they prone to lying or cheating based on their past relationships? Do they treat others poorly? Are they egocentric? You must distinguish your need to be with a partner from your need to be with this partner so as not to proceed beyond a clear boundary of red flags.
Organize your thoughts Positive thoughts turn on the “possibility” switch: when we think something good can happen, we take the right actions to ensure it comes true. If we decide it’s time to meet a new partner, we may take more time getting ready in the morning, excited to look great for a potential suitor. We may take better care of ourselves, become more outgoing, and even begin a conversation with someone attractive. Introduce new prospect into your life. Write out a situation for which you must make a decision soon. Put into words the entirety of your thoughts–the good, the bad, and the ugly. Then, jot down your choices and their potential outcomes. Project what would happen if you did one thing versus if you did another. Circle the choice that you believe will lead to your highest good. Organized thoughts lead to wise decisions.
The pressure of making the right decisions can be overwhelming, but acting on these principles, our choices become infallible and our lives more rewarding.
To your best decisions,
Dr. Carmen Harra
To find out about The Karma Queens’ Guide to Relationships, click here.
7 Ways to Make Good Choices
We’re all confronted by countless choices each day. Some have minimal consequences, such as whether to have our ice cream in a cup or cone, while other decisions can be life changing. And while some of these choices may impact our lives today, other choices may not affect us for years to come. The important thing to remember is that we are a product of the choices we make. Each decision helps to define who we are and how we’re different from one another. Making good choices begins with taking charge of the decision-making process. Do you make good choices?
Manage the big stuff. It’s very easy to get sidetracked by insignificant issues in life. If you spend a lot of time on trivial stuff, you won’t have time to contemplate things that matter.
Values matter. Make decisions that are consistent with your core beliefs and values. The alternative invariably leads to regret.
Learn from the past. Learn from your experiences and the experiences of others. Identify situations where you’ve had a similar choice in the past. How can you apply those lessons learned to the existing situation?
Know what you know and what you don’t know. Don’t try to be an expert in everything. Seek input and advice when variables lie outside your comfort zone.
Keep the right perspective. View an issue from every vantage point. What do the facts say? What is your intuition telling you? Is your conscience trying to tell you something? Listen up.
Don’t procrastinate. You’ll rarely have all the information that you need to make a “perfect” decision. So don’t demand perfection. The philosopher Voltaire warned against letting the perfect be the enemy of the good. That advice still holds true today.
Once you make a decision, don’t look back, make it work. Don’t second-guess yourself. You can’t relive the past. It’s a waste of valuable time and energy.
Life’s not about checking an item off your to-do list or trying to impress others with how busy you are. Life’s about being content with where you’ve been, where you are now, and where you’re going. It’s about being proud of who you are, what you represent, and the impact that you’re having on others. This begins and ends with the choices that you make. So give some serious thought to every choice you face. As Albert Camus once said, “Life is a sum of all your choices.” Are you happy with the path that you’re choosing for yourself? The choice is yours.
Do You Make Good Choices?
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This is adapted from Follow Your Conscience: Make a Difference in Your Life & in the Lives of Others By Frank Sonnenberg © 2014 Frank Sonnenberg. All rights reserved.
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Your life is built around the choices you make, such as taking or leaving a job, getting married, divorced, having children and where you will live. The more options you have, the more difficult these choices are to make. Since some decisions have long-lasting effects, make these choices carefully, with all the information you need to do what’s best for you.
Gather Important Information
Do your homework when working through a big life decision. For instance, know and understand all the available options and the impact each may have when making a decision, like choosing a career or a medical treatment. Talk to people who can offer you objective advice. Seek information from professionals and learn from other people’s experience. Be sure to check the credentials of any sources you use, particularly online.
Explore Your Priorities and Values
Know what you value most in your life, the kind of lifestyle you want to have in the future, and what you want your life to be filled with. A single decision can impact many areas of your life such as culture, health, children, marriage and travel. People who don’t consider their own priorities end up doing what everyone is doing, says psychology professor, Jim Taylor, in his Psychology Today article, “How Do You Make a Major Life Decision?” Beyond objective information, Taylor advises, pay attention to how you feel about the available options and trust your intuition.
