Also from "Dialling a phone with a pencil":
"when i was in 2nd grade, i found my mother's underwear drawer. I was entranced by elegance of the silk, and readily took a pair for my own use. I put them on, and thought i was a classy, popular and famous person. The next day, my mother was leaving for work, and my father was walking her to her car. I waved at her from the door and said, "Goodbye Mother! I'm wearing your underwear, and it is so comfortable". Both parents turn around, and are silent for about a minute. My father turns to my mother and looks at her. She looks at him. He then says, "Tell your son to take your god damned underwear off, Christine". I ran to my room and removed it. My father then drove me, in stoney silence, to school. It was never discussed again"
"AND, finally, when i was 8, Star Trek: The Next Generation came on. I was enamoured with Councilor Troy, and adored her terrible hairpiece (i would wrap beads around my head to emulate her look), and would go around in my tightest clothing (as she always wore a jumpsuit) and say to my mother, "i sense anger"."
***
"My god, I haven't remembered this in 30 years, but a recent thread brought it all back: I used to love to sit on barstools so I could spin and face the camera just like Barbara Bain in the opening credits to Space:1999."
***
"Okay, here's one, but not necessarily "Gay". Once when I was, I think 6 or 8, my mother was having a women's meeting or some shit like that and I was REALLY into "Batman" (the television series not the cartoon or comicbook) and more particularly the Batmobile, so once I was rummaging through my mothers "personal toiletries" cabinet- like any curious young queen would - and I noticed how her "Pristeen" vaginal antiperspirant (do pussys sweat?!?!) when sprayed, how big the cloud was that emitted from the nozzle, so being the creative genius that I was, I thought if I tied a towel around my neck, (for the cape)and ran around the house as if I were in the Batmobile, I would have the PERFECT "smoke screen"!! So to impress my mother and her friends, while they were delicately balancing their teacups on their laps, I RAN through the living room spraying the Pristeen behind me and apparently it was an effective smoke screen, because judging from the fits of coughing and the opening of doors and windows, it worked!! Unfortunately not enough to obscure my identity though, because I was grounded for the weekend. :("
