I’ve never had a crush on a woman, but women have long popped into my fantasies. I know it’s common for straight people to fantasize about their own gender, but I fantasized about woman a lot—more than I did about men, and often while I was with men—and got turned on by female porn stars, so I always wondered if there was a latent part of my sexuality I hadn’t explored.

When I went on vacation at a sex-themed resort, I got that chance when I met a man and his bisexual wife who liked to fool around with other women while he watched. “I’m a believer that you should live out your fantasies,” he said. Lots of people at the resort were having similar encounters and encouraging each other to experiment and have sexual adventures. Fearing I’d always be left wondering if I didn’t go for it (and feeling like if I didn’t do it now, I never would) I joined them in their hotel room.

What proceeded was the most awkward sexual experience of my life. As it turns out, hooking up with another woman was not as exciting in reality as it was in my fantasies. Here’s what I expected—and what actually happened.

It felt unnatural and unsexy

Guys I’ve been with in bed have often remarked that I get very wet very easily. Yet on the night I joined this couple, that reliable lubrication was nowhere to be found. Instead of feeling turned on as I pleased her, I couldn’t get out of my own head. I kept trying to picture my fantasies to help bring them to life, but the only thing that got me remotely turned on was sneaking glimpses of him. (I warned you this was awkward.)

I didn’t understand her body intuitively…

Part of my fantasy was being able to relate to a body like my own. I liked the idea of looking at my partner and knowing what she was feeling. But that didn’t happen at all during this encounter. The techniques that I personally respond to did nothing for her, and the techniques she liked did nothing for me. While I respond almost exclusively to clitoral stimulation and need a break after each orgasm, she was having one vaginal orgasm after another—something completely foreign to me. Don’t get me wrong: I was seriously impressed, but I didn’t relate. Turns out people are individuals, regardless of gender. What a concept.