When I studied to become a marriage and family therapist, I learned of a phenomenon called “overfunctioning” – doing more than is necessary, more than is appropriate and more than is healthy. And I learned that when one spouse or partner overfunctions, the other one inevitably underfunctions .
What does it mean to be Overfunctioning?
Classic characteristics of over-functioning include being overly focused on another person's problems or life situation, offering frequent advice or help to the other person (usually unsolicited), actually doing things that are part of the other person's life responsibilities (and believing that “if I don't do it, then ...
How do I stop Overfunctioning my relationship?
To interrupt overfunctioning, you have to be able to do a few things:
- Observe the behavior in important relationships.
- Determine how you'd actually like to behave.
- Be willing to sit with the discomfort of letting other people be responsible for themselves.
