Too Many People Think Romance Is Dead — Here's How to Revive It
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We've all seen the movies: The male protagonist sends a dozen red roses to his delighted love interest. In the next scene, the two of them enjoy a candlelit dinner on a balcony somewhere exotic. After the cut, he's taking her shopping and telling her to pick out whatever she likes. This is, we're told, the epitome of romance.
Everyone has a basic idea of what romance is from films, novels and TV, but often the cliched idea of romance isn't what women want most. What's more, because the idea of romance promoted in our culture is so overwrought and corny, many men think romance is too much trouble to bother with in a relationship, and give up on the concept altogether.
This is the wrong approach. Romance -- the genuine kind, not the clichéd type you see on screen -- is a crucial glue that helps you maintain the spark in your relationship; reassuring your partner that you're still attracted to her and interested in pleasing her.
RELATED: The Benefits of Being Friends With Someone Before You Start Dating
For many men, the idea of being more romantic is pretty daunting. So, to help you up your game in the romance department, we've compiled a comprehensive guide to romance, including what actual women find romantic, how romantic gestures and expectations evolve over the course of a relationship and how to go about bringing more romance into your own relationship, including concrete gift ideas in case inspiration is running low!
1. What Romance Is (and Isn't)
As we've already discussed, most of us gain a basic idea of what constitutes romance from films, novels and TV. Dozens of red roses, candlelit dinners and long walks along the beach are what tends to pop to mind when we think about what romance is.
However, there are good reasons why you shouldn't always rely on tropes from film, books and TV to determine how to be more romantic in your own relationship.
Firstly, these clichéd signifiers of romance tend not to be what most women want (as we'll see soon), but secondly and more importantly, the idea of romance portrayed on screen is often tainted by the troublesome idea that you should continue to pursue women even after they've expressed disinterest, and that doing so is "romantic."
Think about the number of movies and songs in which the dogged pursuit of a woman who isn't really interested is portrayed as the height of romance, and borderline-stalker behavior like showing up to her work unannounced with flowers or throwing stones at her window at night is held up as the ultimate romantic ideal.
None of this behavior is advisable in real life: If a woman has rejected your advances and indicated clearly that she's not interested, it's better to respect her wishes rather than pursue her: Enthusiastic consent is a fundamental cornerstone of relationships, and it's important to respect that no means no.
So, that's what romance isn't, and why you shouldn't necessarily just follow what you see on movies or read in books. What is romantic, then?
